Yagate Kimi ni Naru: Saeki Sayaka ni Tsuite 3 (やがて君になる佐伯沙弥香について (3), Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka 3)
Author: Iruma Hitoma, based on original manga by Nakatani Nio
First Published: 2020
Imprint: Dengeki Bunko (Kadokawa)
Volumes: 3/3
No overly detailed summary or analysis this time (by my standards) as I’d really rather just spend whatever time I have on speed-translating the novel, but here’s an outline of the major happenings. I made all these notes as I went along & didn’t edit any of it so I apologise in advance for any typos or mistakes. FAQ at the end for all the important questions!
Chapter 1/Prologue: Already translated. Basically an excerpt of Haru’s confession to Sayaka – this part is not included in the story proper, so it would be good to come back and read it when the relevant scene comes to pass.
Chapter 2:
–Brief texts between Sayaka and Touko. About acting.–
1. Starts off a month or so after the scene in the epilogue of Volume 2 where Sayaka and Haru first met. They are now friends and meet up quite often at uni. Haru invites Sayaka over to her apartment for lunch one day, since it’s fairly close to the campus. Much to Sayaka’s surprise, Haru’s a great cook. They mostly share small talk before Haru pushes the conversation to a more personal direction, asking Sayaka what she thinks of her and more importantly, whether she has a significant other. By this point Sayaka already gets the hint that Haru’s interested in her, but she brushes it off, thinking to herself that they don’t know each other that well…yet.
2. Sayaka and Yuu meet up at Miyako’s café, which has expanded to the 2nd floor now. Their conversations still revolve around Touko for the most part, but a lot friendlier. Sayaka deduces that Yuu spent the previous night at Touko’s place, but she won’t say why she knows. Yuu asks Sayaka about her uni life and Sayaka mentions that she’s made a friend. “A friend? Is she really your friend?” And she’d love to meet Sayaka’s ‘friend’ someday. Ah, Yuu remains the best foil for Sayaka.
3. Sayaka heads to the uni library to browse through the papers. The TV is on, and she watches a female swimmer being interviewed on TV. Medium-length, dark-haired, sunburnt girl. Could..it…be? Sayaka gazes intently at the screen before being interrupted by Haru, who appears to be stalking the library every day in hopes of running into Sayaka. She invites Sayaka to go to the pool. Someday, comes the answer. Haru invites her for lunch at her place (for the xth time) but Sayaka’s already eaten, and she has a lecture to head to.
They walk, and run into a girl familiar to Haru…who promptly ignores Haru’s greeting. Sayaka’s spidey senses are tingling and she decides to skip lectures (OMG!), pulling Haru to a deserted bench – their place of destiny. There, Sayaka’s curiosity about why Haru was crying when they first met is satisfied. The girl is indeed, Haru’s ex-girlfriend who dumped her as soon as they started uni cos ‘girls together? People will give us weird looks!’ Haru comes out as a lesbian to Sayaka and insists though, that she’s gotten over being dumped and isn’t bothered any more cos…fate brought her to meet Sayaka instead! And Haru keeps saying Sayaka’s beautiful which of course, makes her blush. She loves Sayaka’s long hair too.
–Brief texts between Sayaka and Touko. About Sayaka’s cats, and Touko wanting to meet up with Sayaka…someday.–
4. July 29. It’s Sayaka’s 20th birthday. Early celebratory texts from Midori and Manaka, who are living together. Of course, none from Haru cos she doesn’t know Sayaka’s birthday. Funny how Sayaka’s thinking about Haru first thing on her birthday morning! She decides to send Haru a text telling her it’s her birthday. And of course, Haru gets frantic at not having prepared anything, eventually proposing to Sayaka that she come over to her apartment where…Sayaka can celebrate her passage to adulthood with her first taste of alcohol. While she drinks Coke, of course.
Sayaka hates beer. It’s bitter as hell. Small talk again, before Sayaka moves the conversation into slightly dangerous territory by bringing up Haru’s ex. Haru ends up drinking…underage! Though she concedes she’s tried drinking cooking alcohol already, hah. Now they’re both tipsy, and heated. And Haru directly asks Sayaka if she has a girlfriend. It’s the alcohol, Sayaka believes, that loosens her mouth. At the moment, no. Which Haru correctly interprets as her having had one before. Sayaka starts describing Yuzuki-senpai and the bitterness is evident. Sayaka’s description makes Haru think she might have a chance with Sayaka. And so, she approaches Sayaka and [start confession – refer to prologue].
Sayaka feels like she’s on fire. Is it the alcohol or the confession, or both? At the back of her mind, she knew this would happen at some point. She has long sensed Haru’s attraction to her and made no attempt to discourage it. Sayaka muses that she’s allowed Haru to come this close to her and wonders what she’s expecting out of it. Does she merely want someone to understand her? Or is she looking for a new love? Sayaka’s conclusion: Alcohol is bad, it makes her say and do uncharacteristic things, and all she wants to do now is go home, lock herself in her room and analyse everything. She asks Haru for time to think things through.
Chapter 3:
–Brief texts between Sayaka and Touko. About alcohol, and comparing each other to the seasons.–
1. Sayaka goes to treat her hangover at Miyako’s café. Of course, she ends up telling Miyako about Haru’s confession, and about her past love. Miyako acts as the sage advisor, as always. Sayaka’s worried that the outcome of any future courtship will be the same as with Yuzuki, but it’s clear to see that she’s already seriously considering a relationship with Haru. In truth, Sayaka doesn’t need any advice from Miyako – just someone to listen to her, and to give her the little push that she needs.
2. Sayaka and Haru meet up on campus. It’s obviously awkward for Haru, having to face the one she loves knowing that the other party has full knowledge of her feelings. Haru ponders if they should stop seeing each other until Sayaka can give her an answer.
Sayaka texts Haru asking to meet up. Haru is nervous, but Sayaka tells her not to worry. And to expect a favourable outcome, which only serves to send Haru’s brain further into overload.
3. Haru’s face is green when they meet. Poor girl is sick to her stomach with anxiety, and…turns out she’s been drinking to calm her nerves. Hah. But Haru’s happy, for this is the first time Sayaka has ever asked to meet up – usually, the request comes from her.
They head to their bench of destiny. Q & A time:
Q: Why do you like me?
A: It was love at first sight.
Sayaka’s still unsure; proceeds to tell Haru that she’s not exactly overwhelmingly in love with her and goes on to compare Haru’s confession with Yuzuki’s. Sayaka asks for a trial period of ‘being together’. Haru compares herself to being a food sample (hahahaa) and accepts.
4. Sayaka and Haru walking together on campus again. Haru comments that something feels different now, though nothing’s changed. This makes Sayaka think of Touko and how she was too cowardly to take action for fear of change.
Before they head to separate lectures, Haru tells Sayaka she loves her again. Sayaka once again broods inwardly over her feelings and considers how she’s being unfair to Haru. Can you date someone if you’re not 100% in love with them…yet? Sayaka thinks of Haru positively, but her fear of failure is holding her back from pursuing the relationship.
5. Sayaka calls Midori (and Manaka, by default). She’s closer to Midori as they were classmates in their final year of high school. Sayaka has a strange request for Midori – she wants her to say ‘I love you’ to her. Midori complies [Manaka in background: Ah, you just cheated on me!]. Manaka then asks Sayaka to say the same three words to her [Midori in background: Now you’re the one cheating on me!]. Sayaka ends up listening to Manaka & Midori fooling around for 20 minutes. Mostly talking about cats.
6. Sayaka’s over at Haru’s apartment for lunch. As usual, their conversation is prefaced by Haru declaring her love for Sayaka. She says it out loud to reaffirm her feelings, apparently. Sayaka notes the indecision that plagues her and how Haru is the opposite, with spades and spades of conviction in her actions. She tells Haru that she has much to learn from her, which troubles Haru – because she absolutely loves the Sayaka who is front of her right now. She may not know what Sayaka is thinking or what she hides, but what she knows is that she loves seeing Sayaka laugh, loves seeing her happy.
The unusually long explanation makes Sayaka blush. Haru wants to know what Sayaka thinks of her but instead of answering, Sayaka asks Haru to say ‘I love you’ again and that puzzles her since she says it pretty much every day. Haru eventually complies and Sayaka’s response this time is just two nods of the head and an “I see, I see”.
Sayaka concedes that it’s not love at first sight for her when it comes to Haru, unlike Touko. She’s not sure that this is love, as yet. But there’s something about Haru that brings her warmth and light. It’s different when Haru tells her she loves her, compared to when Midori says it.
All the signs point to the fact that I’m definitely going to fall in love with you in the future.
So until I fall in love with you, I need you to stay in love with me.
Edamoto-san, let’s date.
Haru can’t believe it. Needless to say, she’s overwhelmed with joy. And once again tells Sayaka that she’s beautiful.
7. Sayaka’s so excited she can’t sleep. I’ve got a girlfriend. And she thinks about Haru, and how to approach this new relationship.
8. Sayaka and Haru meet up on campus. Haru notices she’s cut her hair and wonders whether it has anything to do with them officially dating…but of course not, it’s not like they’ve broken up! Haru compliments Sayaka and tells her she’s even more in love with her now, and how she can’t believe that such a beauty would ever love her back. But Haru then wonders if Sayaka is deceiving her.
Sayaka: What if I am?
Haru: Then please lie to me forever.
Sayaka still calls Haru Edamoto-san and Haru replies with a ‘Just Haru is fine’ as usual. This time, Sayaka complies.
— Sayaka and Haru exchange texts about trivial things like favourite colours and food. This time, Sayaka calls Haru ‘Haru’—
–Sayaka texts Yuu about their date the following day and asks if she can bring someone with her. Yuu thinks, ‘Oh I finally get to meet your ‘friend’!’ but Sayaka says she’s not her friend…well, only half a friend. Which completely confuses Yuu, before Sayaka gets to the point: I want to introduce my girlfriend to you.
9. Sayaka takes Haru to meet Yuu at her family bookshop. Haru is terribly nervous throughout, messing up her introductions though she does proudly manage to declare herself as Sayaka’s girlfriend. Which makes them both blush, and Yuu wonders if she should just get out of the room and stop being a third wheel. At the end of the date, Sayaka remarks that she thinks Yuu’s gonna stay over at Touko’s place again tonight. How does she know?
10. Haru asks Sayaka if anything ever happened between her and Yuu. ‘Nothing that you should be worried about’ is the answer. Haru notes that they get along so well, Sayaka insists she’s just a friend. Haru believes that love and friendship is the same, that you place the persons dear in your heart. And that you have a ranking for those persons. After enquiring about Sayaka’s family, Haru declares that she wants to Sayaka’s 5th most important person (after her parents and grandparents lol). It’s a cute conversation, which concludes with Haru telling Sayaka to fall in love with her as soon as possible.
11. Sayaka’s unnamed uni friend comments that it feels like ages since she’s last seen her. But of course, cos Sayaka’s spending all her spare time with Haru. Said friend muses whether Sayaka’s found a boyfriend, which she denies. In the midst of their conversation, Sayaka spots Haru in a passing crowd and Haru notices her too. Haru seems like she wants to wave at Sayaka but wary of her friend, keeps her head down and walks along in the crowd. Until her friend points out Haru as ‘the girl from before’.
Lightbulb moment for Sayaka, who makes a lame excuse and quickly runs after Haru. She’s ditching her friend to be with her girl, and Haru questions if that’s okay. Sayaka dismisses it, thinking that she’s done with being a good girl and that she needs to stop being bound by responsibility. It feels like she’ll lose her girl this time if she doesn’t take initiative.
12. They’re having lunch at Haru’s place again. Done with eating and the dishes, Haru walks over to where Sayaka’s sitting and wraps her arms around her shoulders, taking her by surprise. The act sends Sayaka’s pulse racing etc. Haru apologises for the sudden move, whispering in her ear…which sends a shiver down her spine. So close.
Of course Haru ends up ruining the moment by looking down and hesitating, pleading with Sayaka not to get mad, before saying ‘your boobs are quite big’. Sexual harassment! And she then asks her to go to the pool again.
13. To the university’s pool they go. There’s hardly anyone around. Haru compliments Sayaka; that no swimsuit she chooses could ever compare to her natural beauty. But also mentions her lovely legs. And again tells her she’s beautiful. But what Haru means is that she looks so erotic. Hah!
Empty pool, so they decide to race. Despite being a fast runner, Haru’s not such a good swimmer and Sayaka beats her handily. Haru protests, saying she’s a creature of the land.
They enjoy having the pool to themselves but Sayaka starts to dwell on how well this relationship is going, which in itself worries her, as she’s never experienced a love that’s progressed so smoothly. The fear of the unknown. The fear of making mistakes. What will it take to make her satisfied?
Deep in thought, Sayaka dives to the bottom of the pool and looks up, stretching her hands to reach a light that seems so near, yet so far. Haru eventually dives in after Sayaka and reaches out for her hand, her eyes signaling: What’re you doing here? Next we know, Sayaka’s closing in and plants a kiss on Haru’s neck. Haru returns the favour.
Running out of air, they return to the surface. Together, hand in hand. She’s back where she belongs, but she’s not alone – Haru is with her. They’re still holding hands, and Sayaka comments on the warmth of the palm of her hand. A warmth that has brought her to where she is right now, a warmth that makes her think that she wants to remain here. She no longer needs to run away.
Sayaka understands now, what she felt and saw at the bottom of the pool. Understands the intense pain that she’s experienced throughout the years. And now knows what love is, and that it exists in this world. Relieved that she has found peace before all the pain and failure consumes her. Believes that she now knows what happiness is.
–Sayaka and Haru exchange texts. This is post-Student Council reunion (last chapter of the manga). Sayaka tells Haru she’s going to meet up with someone – the girl she loved in high school. She wants to be open with Haru about it. Haru jokingly reminds her not to cheat on her–
–Sayaka texts Touko to arrange a meet-up–
14. Sayaka and Touko meet at Miyako’s cafe – it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other properly, discounting the Student Council reunion. Sayaka comments that it doesn’t feel that way since she gets regular updates from Yuu, whom she often sees. ‘Often’? That’s news to Touko, who jokingly(?) accuses Sayaka of cheating.
Sayaka mentions she stopped by Yuu’s shop to buy Koyomi’s book – Touko already has a signed copy since Koyomi is her university junior and they often see each other (together with Yuu).
The talk moves on to Sayaka’s girlfriend – Touko is still very much peeved that she wasn’t informed of this. Sayaka describes Haru briefly and tells Touko that she intended to meet Touko alone only after she’s certain she’s in love with Haru. They switch to more mundane topics like Touko’s attempts at cooking and Yuu. They’re not really discussing anything new, but they’re glad they met up.
Sayaka has heard Touko’s voice and has reaffirmed that she’s happy – those are the 2 reasons she wanted to see her. Sayaka doesn’t think that she and Touko will see each other much after this – she’s stopped wanting to walk parallel paths with Touko and in time, the distance between them will only increase. But before they part, she wants to try something. Sayaka proposes that they play Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who foots the bill.
Chapter 4:
—short paragraph on Sayaka wanting to reach for unattainable stars (ie Touko) and how she failed. She has found another star to look at and this time, she intends to reach out and touch it. She’s already jumping–
It’s winter. They’ve just stepped out of Haru’s apartment and descending the staircase when Sayaka tells Haru she’s been wanting her to drop the ‘senpai’ part of her name for a long while. Haru finds it hard, but tries. Sayaka…
Haru loses her nerve and prefers to attach the honorific. Sayaka calls her a good girl, patting her on the head…which Haru tries to dodge. As random as ever, Haru declares her girlfriend a ‘beauty!’ and still can’t believe that a beauty like Sayaka would ever love her. Haru clings to Sayaka as if to confirm her existence. The moment she lets go, she starts to doubt again. Sayaka reassures Haru that she loves her, playing with her fringe a little and touches her cheek.
It makes me happy when you tell me you love me. My heart soars when you say I’m beautiful. That’s why I love you.
That satisfies Haru, and they continue descending. Turns out Haru’s been texting Yuu for advice on dealing with Sayaka, much to Sayaka’s chagrin. God knows what secrets of hers Yuu’s been spilling. But Sayaka also learns from Haru that Yuu privately calls Touko by her first name. She’s not bothered though, and accepts the fact that she’ll probably know even less about them both in the future – you get to know people, but you have to say goodbye to them someday.
Sayaka’s left Touko’s side, and she’s standing here now on a cold winter night. She tells Haru to go back to her room (or she feels like Haru will tag along all the way to the station). Sayaka says that, but she knows neither of them wants to see the other go – and it’s always like this when they part, both wanting to prolong their time together for as long as possible.
Haru wishes spring would come as soon as possible. Side by side, they look up at the sky. Haru hopes that this coming season, she won’t be crying like the first time they met in spring. Sayaka teases her saying she can’t guarantee that and jokes about slapping her on the cheek. As if she would. Haru says she’s a good girl, Sayaka denies this and muses that she’s only been holding herself back. Haru tells her not to hold back any more…and slap her if she wants, hah.
Haru takes Sayaka’s right hand and places it on her cheek. It’s cold. More talk, and the heat is turning up. Sayaka wants to feel Haru closer, leans down and Haru in turn, tiptoes slightly as they kiss. It doesn’t last long cos they’re standing there in the dead of winter.
Warm. That’s Sayaka’s assessment of the kiss, and she sees Haru touch a finger to her lips, as if to convince herself that this is real. They finally part.
….but Sayaka stops. The warmth of the kiss is gradually fading away in the cold, and a strong desire wells up inside Sayaka – she wants to return to Haru, to touch her once more. All she needs to do is turn around and she’ll see Haru again. But common sense overtakes her and Sayaka senses she’ll ruin herself if she goes back to Haru’s apartment.
It’s too early for us to be doing that.
This is what it feels like to love someone. You become selfish. Desire and love are two things that are impossible to separate from the other, Sayaka thinks.
I’ll become more like ‘myself’ in the days to come. All I hope for is that this will also lead to Haru’s happiness.
FAQ:
Q: Is Haru the swimming pool girl from Novel 1?
A: Definitely no, unless both Sayaka and Haru have major amnesia.
Q: Is the swimming pool girl the one on the TV?
A: Maybe. No confirmation either way, but TV girl definitely makes Sayaka think things.
Q: What does Sayaka call Haru?
A: For the longest time, Edamoto-san. It takes…169 pages for Sayaka to call Haru ‘Haru’. Sayaka still calls Yuu ‘Koito-san’ though.
Q: Who named (Edamoto) Haru?
A: Nakatani-sensei. Iruma says he’s awful at choosing names hohoho
Q: Is Sayaka still in love with Touko?
A: Not in love per se, but you can still tell that there are lingering emotions and regret. As ever, Sayaka loves to dwell on things, and she continues to have hang-ups over Yuzuki-senpai throughout this volume. Looks like all that has come to an end now that Haru’s her girl though.
Q: What is Sayaka and Touko’s relationship like nowadays?
A: They’re still ‘best friends’ but Sayaka being Sayaka, prefers to maintain a bit of distance from Touko.
Q: What is Sayaka and Yuu’s relationship like nowadays?
A: I would say they’re even better friends than Sayaka/Touko. Their personalities are more compatible in terms of forming a friendship anyhow.
Q: Does Sayaka have any other friends?
A: Her pool of acquaintances in university is tiny (probably mostly that one girl who keeps skipping lectures) and they’re never mentioned by name. Just ‘friend’ (友人). By contrast, Sayaka refers to Haru as 友達 (tomodachi), which is a more familiar, casual way of referring to a friend. I guess you could substitute in ‘buddy’ or ‘pal’ but that just sounds…awkward. For someone like Sayaka, at least.
Q: Describe Haru!
A: Unlike the 2 other girls Sayaka has loved, who she describes as being beauties, Haru is more…adorable. Very similar to Yuu, which might explain why Sayaka gets along with her so easily. Haru is the polar opposite of Sayaka personality-wise: as Sayaka says, Haru has a lot of traits that she herself lacks. She openly & proactively expresses what she’s thinking (vs Sayaka’s ‘I must go back to my room and brood about things for 12 hours!!’). She’s also a good cook, a point that Sayaka hammers home repeatedly. Haru’s independent, a hard-worker when she needs to be, always smiling, always lively – in other words, she’s the ray of sunshine that Sayaka needs in her drab life.
Q: Are Midori and Manaka dating?
A: Your guess is as good as mine. Friends with benefits?
Q: How are the cats and Grandma?
A: Still well and alive. They don’t appear much in this volume, sadly.
The Great Passage 